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Movie Review - Alien: Romulus

SMR

Let’s talk about Superman IV: The Quest for Peace.


Yeah, yeah, I know I’m here to review Alien: Romulus, but bear with me for a second.


We all know Superman IV as the ‘one that sucks’, be it the ham-handed message against nuclear weapons, the shallow Nuclear Man creation when there are countless other DC villains could’ve been used (including the Bizzarro that had been included in previous drafts of the script) and, the quickest to come to mind, the woefully inadequate special effects…making this movie look more like Superman via Roger Corman. And honestly, I think Roger would’ve pulled it off better. At least according to his formula, we’d have seen either Lois or Lacy topless at some point. Crude, I know, but if you’ve seen Superman IV, I think you’ll agree with me that it couldn’t have hurt the film any. I’m not here to talk about any of that though. Instead, if you do indeed watch the film, its story is little more than a compilation of the ‘greatest hits’ from the other three movies in the series. A land developer wants to buy the Kent farm, so we have our obligatory Kansas scene echoing the beginning of the first film. Nuclear Man having all of Superman’s strengths echoes the Phantom Zone criminals in Superman II…so does the fact that Nuclear Man’s scratch of Superman’s neck, allowing harmful radiation into his bloodstream (the movie doesn’t point that out, that’s me rationalizing like any good traumatized mind would), deprives Supes of his powers. Nuclear Man being a dark reflection of Superman repeats the note hit in Superman III. There’s the flying sequence with Lois, ala One, and the amnesia kiss ala Two. I’m sure there’s more, but you get the idea: while technically an original story, so many beats were taken from earlier films that ultimately the viewer really gets nothing new out of the telling…making the film disposable at best and lazy at worst.


Okay, now let’s come back to Romulus…but given that lead in, I suspect I’ve already shown my hand as to my opinion of the film. Still, there’s more to say than just that. So let’s first get the synopsis out of the way:


Working for Weyland-Yutani is a life sentence, or at least that’s what Rain has learned the hard way. When she seeks to leave her colony after fulfilling her initial contract, she finds out the company has instead doubled the time she needs to serve. This is enough to cause her and her synthetic ‘brother’ to fall in with a group of scavengers with a plan: raid a company derelict that’s entering their colony’s orbit, grab what they need for a long voyage to a non-company colony and head literally to brighter skies. The derelict is not what it seems, instead being an abandoned company research station, one dedicated to the study of “the perfect organism”.  Will this ramshackle band of pirates be able to get what they need in time? Or are the events of the ill-fated Nostromo doomed to happen again?


If I’m being brutally honest, the Alien franchise should really be dead. Only the first two films have really held up. The third was riddled with interference and different versions exist…so, I’ll probably go back and reassess that one later. Resurrection had interesting things about it, including the look of the film and the prospect of a ship carrying potential Xenomorphs crashing on Earth could have been great points to explore in future films, but the cloned Ripley and the “Hybrid” ended up dragging the film down into forgettable territory. This put the franchise in dormancy from 1997 to 2012…well, unless you count the two Aliens vs Predator films, releasing in 2004 and 2007. Instead, the return of Ridley Scott to the series is what was needed to get things moving again with Prometheus. And while the idea of tracing down the origins of the “Space Jockey” from the very first film sounds intriguing on the surface, Scott’s execution was…divisive…and ultimately fell short of the mark for many. A follow-up from Scott would follow with 2017’s Alien: Covenant, deviating a little bit from the prior film’s focus on the Engineers and instead starting to introduce the evolution to the Xenomorphs that made this series popular in the first place. You can read my review here, but to save you time, I’ll simply say that this entry started to show the cracks both in the franchise’s potential longevity…and its driving force, Sir Ridley himself. Once again underperforming, this film put Alien back on ice for another seven years. Any other franchise would have likely died off after the first hiatus after Resurrection, and any surviving that would’ve likely died during the second. But here we are…in 2024, a new Alien film. And while Ridley Scott would still be a producer, the reigns were given to Fede Alvarez, director of the 2013 Evil Dead remake.


This is what got my attention. That remake pulled no punches. It tipped its cap to what came before, to be sure, but what Alvarez was able to do with Sam Raimi’s original concept exceeded expectations on every level…and honestly, I don’t know why that film doesn’t seem to get the love it very much deserves. Okay new Alien film…you definitely have my attention.


What we get here is a fantastic attention to detail that tries to hail back to the first to films and recapture a little bit of that magic…and as you start the film, it does. It pulls you right back in, forgiving the previous failures with a visual style consistent with Alien and Aliens and a soundscape that, if you listen closely, you can hear selections from Jerry Goldsmith’s score from the original film. With these elements present from the start, Alvarez is able to reconstruct what prior directors, including Scott’s own prequels, failed to: atmosphere. When we start the film planetside, we get the same vibes from Cameron’s Aliens’ setting of Hadley’s Hope: it’s not derelict yet, but the colony is failing. Once we get up in space and eventually to the titular Romulus research station, we’re both back on the Nostromo and back in the lab from Aliens at the same time…always knowing that the shit is about to meet the fan…but just wondering how. And for me, that was the impressive thing. With Evil Dead, Alvarez showed that he could craft a balls-to-the-wall roller coaster ride that wouldn’t let you go until the closing credits. Here, with Alien: Romulus, he goes with the opposite, an atmospheric slow burn that so wonderfully echoes what Scott did in 1979. For a franchise that needed to get back on track, it looked like this film was going to be successful, returning the series to its roots and what made it so popular in the first place.


But once things start to go south for the characters, well…it started to do the same to my perspective on the film as well. I wanted to like this movie…I really did…but as Science Officer Rook was rebooted, in the late Ian Holm’s likeness, I had to concede what this movie was. You know how in zombie movies there’s always one schmuck that hasn’t accepted the reality of the situation yet, so when they see a loved one that’s now turned they try to hug them or connect with them, all the while saying “she’s still in there somewhere, I just need to get through to her”…or whatever gender the zombie is…only to get turned into zombie chow? This, I’m sad to report, is Alien: Romulus…a reanimated corpse shambling around, still seemingly alive, but offering nothing. Obviously, this is harsh and I need to explain myself.


You see that paragraph up there, the one where I’m praising the film? Yes, it does deserve that, but when you start to think about the film…well, you start to see that there’s really nothing new here. It is, as I mentioned in my opening analysis of Superman IV, a greatest hits collection. It gets its colony from Aliens while our gang of pirates echoes the crew of the Nostromo. Except Bjorn. Fuck that guy. Once we get up to Romulus, we get our facehuggers loose in the lab, just like in Aliens. Deceptive synthetic? Alien. Ian Holm, whom, instead of being allowed to rest in peace, ends up in the uncanny valley along with Star Wars: Rogue One’s Peter Cushing, a failed, rubbery recreation of a once great actor. Waves of Xenomorphs held off with Pulse Rifles? Aliens. How Rain makes her getaway? Alien. “You want some?” Alien 3. And it’s not like these events channel the spirit of the prior films. No. They happen nearly identically to how they occurred in the originals. And the tie-ins with Resurrection and Scott’s 2 prequels? If I were to say, this review would venture into spoiler territory and I don’t want to do that. I will tell you though that these moments literally had me saying to myself “You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me.” Ultimately, the film ends up feeling like the equivalent of a five course meal…but every course is hamburgers. Dude, look, I get it, I like burgers just fine but c’mon…gimme something else after a point!


Now, if this is your first film in the franchise? Good for you. This is a great place to start. If you look at this as some kind of reboot or starting point, you’re going to enjoy yourself. However, as a veteran of this series of films…no. This is a cold cut tray, sure, it’s a nice snack and all, but there’s no way this is the meal…right? Right??? Nope. It’s the meal. If you are that newbie, then yes, watch this and enjoy it. Don’t go back to the old films…or maybe just the first two…but seriously, this is your Alien film. If future films spring forth from here…and if they’re any good…you’ll be in great shape. For those of us that have been watching this series of films since their inception, however, we’ll be able to see this for what it is: at most a greatest hits collection and at worst, the corpse of a beloved franchise that needs to be put down. It’s this duality that makes rating Alien: Romulus difficult, but ultimately, it’s a wash, isn’t it? Negatives and positives there in perfect balance, but it’s just like the ‘face-in-vase’ optical illusion, you will see either one version of this film or the other, depending on your focus. Thus, making the perfect case for our most vanilla rating, the Plain Cat.



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